Final Fantasy: Beowulf’s Sin julio 24, 2007Posted by Closto in Fabulae, Littera, Scholae scripta.
Mi última historia ridícula, un poco mal escrita, pero no tengo tiempo para arreglarlo ahora. Siento que además sea muy cutre, pero lo escribí a las dos de la madrugada para un concursillo. ¿Qué? Vale, no es buena hora, pero menos da una piedra. lo remendaré, lo juro. Y las fotos del Día del Orgullo están en proceso.
Dedicado a toda mi clase, que sabrán quién es Beowulf.
Once upon a time, somewhere in the vast land of an unknown country named Denmark, a child was born. His name was sir Maximus James Roland Holehold, but his friends called him Beowulf, because it was said that the English teachers would make him famous among the university students if he was named like that.
He was a gay young man, quite crazy, who dreamed of lake monsters, dragons and holy grail quests made by some Arturian lads. He used to fight against the trolls and the dark elves Tolkien drew upon the fields of his father’s lands. Thanks to the experience points he got from fighting not only those beings but also with bats and black magicians, he could increase his level quite a lot, enough for being accepted in a videogame contest. He was the leader of a rol game’s team called FFI:SIN (Final Fantasy One: Scops in Northumbria).
The group had at first troubles to leave the land because they were not allowed to quit it without the king’s permission. Though Beowulf was the son of the king, he had to find the queen’s pink underwear, which was stolen some days ago by an underwearsexual monster. Sadly, when the team, Geats, found the monster, Grendel, he escaped, but as they taped the monster fleeing away, the king gave them the permission to cross over the limits of his land.
After some weeks of fast walking, they reached the monster somewhere over the rainbow in the peninsula where Deusto is set. They had to struggle against him. It was a hard fight and the Geats, composed by Beowulf, a black magician, a chessmaster and a blond porn star, had many troubles to finish Grendel, but it was just when they were running out of potions when the porn star used the condom-power. Once the freak was caught in the latex container, they could give him a run. Grendel was killed but the journey had just begun! His mother, Mrs. Grendel, wanted to revenge his son and so she tried.
Mrs. Grendel attacked them as they were leaving the next day. The chessmaster predicted it was nearly 10 o’clock in the morning and that Grendel’s mommy would teleport them to her big lake. She got the power of controlling the liquids, specially the water! Fortunately, the chessmaster, who owned an electronic chess game, fell to the floor while fighting and he dropped his modern game into the water, what electrocuted Mrs. Grendel. The porn star left wondering who did she had to made love with to give birth to such a thing.
When they got all their materials and the video tapes and the queen’s pink underwear, they went back and presented their great exploit to the judge, but they did not win the big prize (a new laptop for each one in the team) because someone had caught all the pokémon, what seemed more amazing. After that, Beowulf send everybody to hell and, red with anger, assassined his father in order to get the kingdom for his own.
50 long years had gone away before the last time Beowulf was invited to a videogame contest. Though he had risen a lot of levels in his fights, he had forgotten his special attacks and almost all his basic skills. This time he had to annihilate a big fat dragon that had crossed Beowulf’s frontiers without paying the Beast, Dragon and Pet Taxes. So the king selected some warriors blessed by the Pope and chosen by God to fight the rebel threat. They all went full of hope and strength, though some cyclists passed so close to them that most of the battalion fell hard and got injured. Only two were left: king Maximus James Roland Holehold and sir As-Ilick Asslick, who is thought to be Persian or Arabian or even the terrorist who planned to break down the Twin Towers.
The tactic was simple: while sir Asslick bothered the dragon and got its attention, king Beowulf would stick his magical sword into his stomach. But the goddess Wyrd wished the king to be eaten and so did the dragon, instead of eating the king’s companion. But before actually dying, Beowulf took a potion and with the strength he obtained, he stabbed the animal with his spiky object!
-It’s a pity Beowulf had died inside the dragon, I could have sold his arms-comented Asslick as he carried the corpse of the dead rivals in order to make funeral honouring Beowulf.